Y’all noisy fools love hearing about my dating life and reading my Bumble messages. And tbh I love telling y’all about it because it’s a hot mess & I know your’s is a hot mess too so we can all #relate right?
So a little recap for those who can’t keep up with my Instagram posts about dating these past few months:
(Also this post isn’t to throw shade at ANY of the guys I have dated in the past few months. Honestly I’m still friends with most of them & have no hard feelings. I’m a blogger, I’ve got feelings, so I write about it. So all of y’all hoping I’m going to tear these dudes apart can see yourself right out the door).
I moved to New York in September and shortly there after find myself as single as pringle. So I did what (almost) every single human with a smart phone does- I download the Holy Trinity of dating apps- Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge.
And I’ve deleted these apps and re-downloaded these apps like nobody’s tomorrow. But regardless, I went on some dates.
And almost all of their names started with the letter J (#JCrewPhase). And no J name was repeated. And most of these boys left NY within a few weeks of us meeting.
So needless to say I’ve learned a lot in these past couple of months of dating in the Big Apple. And because of this and because I love sharing here are my:
Top 10 Tips for Dating in NYC
1. Don’t do it.
I'm kidding (kind of). You might find this surprising (or maybe not if you are based in NYC) , but of all the places I've dated New York City has been the hardest. There are many reasons for this -some of which I'll go into- but honestly take the time to get to know yourself and your life in this magnificent city. This will benefit you and your future relationships in the long run.
2. Ask if they live here. Or if they are planning to leave anytime soon.
NEW YORK IS FULL OF TOURISTS. Full of 'em. So unless you are looking for a casual hookup, it's probably worth asking if they are based in the city. Or in my case, ask if they are planning on moving, booking a cruise, or going out on tour in the near future.
3. Location is everything.
To all my Brooklyn babes- I love you. But if I being 100% honest you might as well live in another state. When swiping thru you're potential options, distance is a huge factor. Because while you might be willing to go the distance for the first date, you have to think about how often you are willing to travel this far. I'm not saying these guys should never be considered, but if I'm traveling to Brooklyn or even Hoboken -they have to be worth it.
And if you find someone in your neighborhood, lock that ish up as soon as humanly possible.
4. Read the bio baby.
I've seen this more in NYC then most other places I've lived, so I figured it was worth mentioning. Sometimes couples are on these apps looking for a third or maybe they are in a polyamorous relationship. Or sometimes it's just one person and they solely want to hook up. Whatever the situation, you should know about it. While some people are very upfront about this, others put it in the fine print. While it won't give you all the answers, reading the bio gives you a better idea on whether or not you are on the same page.
5. Talk with your friends.
Chances are you and your friend might have matched with the same person. Even though NYC is SO BIG, it is also so small. Sarah and I have matched with the same guy quite a few times and it is always nothing short of comical.
6. Bars aren’t the only first date option.
There is so much to do in New York and every single first date I have been on has been at a dang bar. (But also hey Barrel 79 I heart you let's do a partnership?). I get it- boys assume they have to plan/pay for the first date and want to make sure we're compatible before dishing out the dough. But fr it's 2020 we can go halfsies. Let's break the mold (because if you know me you know I love to break the norm) and do something a little more exciting shall we?
7. New York boys are a different level of confident.
This one speaks for itself but here's a few screenshots anyways.
8. Safety safety safety.
No matter where you are swiping, safety is the most important. If you are going on a date, MEET IN PUBLIC FIRST. I don't care if he looks like Justin Timberlake- go somewhere public to get a read on the situation. Tell your friends where you are going, his name/socials, and what you are wearing. I hate hate hate that this is the world we live in- but it is- so I have to remind you all. Also, if he throws a fit/pushes back against meeting in public, red flag.
9. You don't have to swipe right for every person that works in theatre.
For my theatre babes (aka most of you)- New York is full of actors, directors, comedy writers, etc. and trust me- they will all appear on your dating apps. But you do not -and should not IMO- swipe right on all of them. The check I put on myself is: if they had nothing theatre related in their bio would I still swipe right? There are places to find each other/ meet if you are just looking to make a friend/collaborate, but dating apps should not be in the place. Or if that's what you're looking for you have to be open and upfront in the first message.
Also just because you are in NYC there are still some who are a bit clueless when it comes to theatre:
10. There are always more options.
This is one of the hardest parts of dating in NYC, but also one of the most comforting. People move on to the next person as soon as anything goes south because there are so many options here. They don't have to get thru the tough parts of dating/relationships if they don't want to. While this sucks, this also means you don't have to settle for the person who treats you like absolute garbage, because there is someone out there who will treat you like the gold I know you are.
So as you can see dating hasn't gotten any easier. But that doesn't mean I'm giving up and neither should you. Take it one day at a time, meet great people, meet crappy people, Iive, LAUGH, learn, and LOVE.
They say it happens when we least expect it, so might as well enjoy the roller coaster until then right?
Much love babes,
💜Chels