Top 10 Tips for Dating a Stage Manager
Updated: Oct 9, 2019
Well readers (who follow me on Instagram), you voted.
And knowing I've had PLENTY of bad experiences in both, you decided you wanted to hear more about my dating life (or lack there of) than my roommate experience.
Fair enough nosey humans.
So without further ado, here's a list of tips, or things you should know, when trying to to date/ask out/ befriend/impress/ re: not make a fool of yourself when you are talking to/ interested in a stage manager*.
*I'm sure this list can apply to most technicians/designers/non-performers as well. And tbh some could even be applied to performers too. Names not listed to protect the dating-app guys who honestly just don't know any better.
Stage Managers are not performers.
So I try to preface every answer to the "What do you do?" question with "I work in theatre, but not as a performer." And now some guys just let it go with a hey that's cool, but some really want to understand it. But for stage managers (who don't have a tangible thing they can point to and say hey, "I made that costume or I built that set) it can be hard to get them to understand what we do.
Scroll through the gallery below.
Bonus tip. Compliment what we do. Even if you have no idea. We'll still appreciate it because we aren't robots.
This is not your high school theatre club.
I've had quite a few guys who respond to my "I do theatre" with a oh I did theatre in HS. We appreciate you trying to relate to us and form a connection. But I kicked a soccer ball when I was six but that doesn't mean I can relate to Hope Solo.
Like I'm not trying to be rude, but sometimes it can come off across as a smidge disrespectful. But hey that might just be me.
We work when you are off and we are off when you are working.
Theatre is entertainment for people to enjoy after a long week at work, after they have had a nice dinner out with a glass of wine. This means we are literally working the entire weekend you are off. You will get off of work when we will just be going in. We are working constantly and none of it is really at a consistent time. If you don't like grabbing a late night drink/bite to eat or Monday night dates, your chances decrease dramatically. Also sometimes we disappear for a week with little communication to the outside world. It's best you just accept this part of us and offer caffeine, alcohol, and food as best you can interpret our needs at the time.
Don't ask us out at work.
This one goes out to the co-workers. We are trained to be the upmost professional in every situation. We are also meant to be leaders of the team. Don't put us in an awkward situation by asking us out backstage or flirting with us on the clock. I know it's suppose to be flattering, but it really isn't. Especially as a young professional (who is also v awkward when it comes to talking to men in general let alone one who is flirting with me), I am put in an awkward spot. I also tend not to date people I'm working with, but you'll have a hell of a lot better chance if you don't ask me out at work.
*Also let's talk about the fire/hire rule in a blog post to come okay?
We love our work.
We are very dedicated to our craft and we love what we do. Sometimes this leads us to talk TO much about what we do when we aren't working. If you don't want to hear about tech weeks or mistakes we can't get over (that would seemingly be small to the rest of the world), chances are you wouldn't want to date a stage manager very long.
We are not just our work.
I am getting much, much better about not talking about theatre and work 25/8. And honestly I am so proud of myself. If you are interested in a stage manager, you should learn about every part of them. They will try and try and try to only focus on the theatre part of them. You should work on getting them to tell you about other aspects of their lives.
A majority of us are Type A*.
*On the clock. We live and breathe organization for a living. Please forgive us if sometimes these tendencies don't always carry over into our home life. Especially during tech week.
Don't call us the stage manager of the clock.
This one goes out to all of the actors who when we are at the bar or the beach or any social event, will still think we are the stage manager. We are off the clock. While yes we aren't going to let you end up blacked out with no way home, we are also allowed to have fun.
We travel a lot.
We are constantly bouncing from contract to contract. Which often means state to state (I am the Tipsy Theatre TRAVELER you see) .Very important factor to consider we might not always be right at your side 24/7.
We have a huge heart.
Stage managers are some of the most caring, generous, self-less people I have ever met. Treat them wrong and they will vent about you over a glass of wine later. But treat them right and they will care and love for you until the end of time.
And there you have it friends. A handful of my best advice for dating stage managers.
And no matter what, you can never be as impressive as this guy 😉:
Much love always,